oh-dear-emily-what-were-you-thinking moments

So yesterday, as some of you know, I was in a fashion show.  Just one outfit.  I did it because it was for a good cause.

But in the end, what in the world was I thinking?

The hormone problems are causing insane weight gain.  I don’t feel good about myself.  I’m the biggest I’ve been in years.  WHY was this a good idea?

The timing of this couldn’t have been worse, either: I have been wanting to cry every day for the past 3 days for no apparent reason.  After I walked the run way and returned to my seat, my boss’s wife was talking to me about a few things and I wanted to just cry.  I got in my car after the show and wanted to drive home, curl up in bed and cry.  WHY?

Then, my dear, loving, sweet husband said two things: 1) you haven’t been like this all month (yay) and 2) maybe it’s because your period is next week? (boo!)  He’s right on both counts.

So yeah, I’m feeling a little bit better today.  Thank goodness!

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things i didn’t even know how to ask for

I was talking to my dear brother-in-law, Dave, tonight and I was telling him about my new job.  I was explaining to him that I never could have asked for this job specifically because I never would have thought a job like mine would exist.  How could I go to God and say, “this is what I want” when I didn’t know it existed?

I was snuggling with Frank tonight and it occurred to me, he is the husband I would never have been able to ask for. I never would have imagined a husband like him for me.  In so many ways, he is more perfect for me than I could have imagined!

And that gives me great hope.  If God has blessed me with a husband and a job that are better than what I could have conceived, in my heart I have a great hope that God would do the same for us with regards to having children.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

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moments

There are moments when I feel like everything is just peachy.  Life is chugging along.

And then something innocent causes a hiccup.  A pause and a reflection.

Sometimes it’s a phone call from a friend or a passing comment from an aquaintence.  Sometimes it’s remembering the significance of a date or visiting an old place.

I trace over those moments with my mind like I am tracing my finger over a scar, feeling the inconsistencies and committing them to memory. 

Smooth skin interrupted by the raised, jagged edges of a healed wound.

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moments in the k house

So we’re sitting here, Frank on the comfy chair and me on the couch.  We were watching Saturday Night Live and at the end of the show, Frank and I had two entirely different experiences:

Frank

Boy, it would be so awesome to go to the wrap party for Saturday Night Live.  I hear they are epic!  SNL starts at 10:30 central, so 11:30 east coast.  Runs about 90 minutes, so done at 1 a.m.  Probably takes 30 minutes to finish up and get to a wrap party.  Hmmm.  Yeah, the party probably goes until 4 a.m., so then they’re driving home at like 5 a.m., watching the sun rise.  Wow, and the day before, when they got up, they probably thought, “This is going to be a long day.” And after the wrap party, they probably think, “Wow, I just finished taping SNL.” What a crazy life. How cool would that be?

but then Frank looks over and sees his dear wife.

Emily

Ugh.  I hate when the weather gets cold.  My skin gets so dry and flakey.  Ew.  Oh, what is that on my shirt?  What is that?  (lifting up part of my shirt) Hmmm.  Is that some of my flakey skin?  That is just gross.

I look up to see Frank staring at me.

“What?” I ask.

Frank, still staring at me, smiles.  “Nothing.”

So much for the glamorous life, huh?

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stories

Frank and I had lunch with two friends who have made some difficult choices in their lives.  The choices were, generally speaking, between doing the right thing and the easy thing.  For the past year or so, doing the right thing has gotten increasingly more difficult for them and the outcome seemed to disappear around a bend in the road.

Recently, they rounded the bend and the outcome is clearer.  They were weary travelers, uncertain of how long to the goal of this particular race, but as they look ahead and see the finish line, it is evident by the looks on their faces that they are energized.

They also commented that they knew that getting to their goal line was going to be a “buzzer shot.”

Good stories are about choices.  Great stories are about choices at the buzzer.

Listening to them talk, it really made me think long about the story that God is telling through my life.  What kind of choices am I making?  What are my “buzzer shots” – the decisions made quickly, when everything is on the line?  And do I even recognize it when I’m making “buzzer shots”?

What is helpful to me is rereading this blog and seeing the story of our life unfold.  The change from my early blogs (which seemed to center more around shopping and social events) to now is evidence of the path that Frank and I have been down.  One day, I hope to print out my blog, bind it and give it to our children so they can see what I was like and the work that God continues to do in me.

I love reading other peoples’ blogs.  I love reading their unfolding stories.  I love hearing about the work that God is doing in their lives and the twists, turns and “buzzer shot” moments.

Hearing peoples’ stories is encouraging, educating and edifying (yeah, score, three “e” words!).  Thanks to all of my “in real life” friends who share their stories with me on a regular basis.  And thanks to all of the many bloggers I read for so candidly sharing their stories!

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