Archive for August, 2008

quick step

For all the things in my life that I am slow at – getting out of the car, for one – there are many other ways in which I devour life.

I eat quickly. I drink and taste, but I do not savor. I would be a terrible chef or sommelier. I must confess that I am a scanner – I read books quickly because I am looking only for the important information. I love to check things off, move on to the next thing, check check check check CHECK. What is the heck is that?? Why am I like that?

This thought occurred to me several times tonight in a short period of time. And I think that God gave me Frank as a husband because he is so good at just enjoying where he is. He is a savorer. And that is a blessing.

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what bothers me…

about atheists (or nontheists as they are now seeming to want to be called) is that they are so smug. But at the end of the day, they cannot disprove the existence of God. And at the same time, that smugness is what bothers me about some Christians, too. And maybe it’s not smugness, but self-righteousness. Or something.

Maybe it’s because I’m in such a place in my life that is so not “i have everything figured out” and is more “holy crap, how am I going to make it through the week??” And God is so kind and so gracious because here I am on a Friday night (well, early Saturday morning) and I have survived to blog another day.

I was thinking today that nowhere in the Bible does God promise that today will be easy. He says not to worry about tomorrow because what does that do? I cannot add another hour to my life by worrying. Which really blows my whole life insurance plan out of the water. But not worrying does not mean not planning. The Bible does say to count the costs before going into battle. So it’s a fine balance of planning, being smart and strategic – vs. worrying myself into a mess.

Anyway, right now our life is far from perfect. It is actually quite stressful. Why does God put us here? What does He hope we learn? What is the plan for this?

I don’t really know. But that’s ok. I have peace about it. Not smugness, but definitely peace. Even if I am having a holy crap day, it’s going to be ok. And I am glad that God is bigger than me and my plans. How will this turn out? No clue. My life is not neat and tidy.

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until it hurts. And then keep at it.

I’ve been reading the OT and reading about Jonathan’s love for his friend David. Learning about Jonathan’s intense loyalty, the lengths that Jonathan went for his friend and the pain that Jonathan must have felt turning away from his father in order to support David reminded me that love is a choice. It is not always a fun choice or the easy choice… but it is always the right choice.

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This week I went to the Gifted to Lead conference with one of my dearest friends, V. The conference addressed women in leadership specifically. It was impressive to be in a room of 1,000 women who were leaders in their communities and churches in one way or another. The Nancies did most of the talking (Ortberg & Beach), but they also brought forth a panel of women in leadership that were at different stages of their lives. Key things I leared:

1. Being a woman and being a leader are not mutually exclusive. God did not make a mistake when He gave specific women the gift of leadership, just like He did not make a mistake when He gave specific men the gift of leadership.

2. The question is not, “How can I be a women and a leader?” but rather “How can I be an excellent leader?”

3. There are so many women who are leaders and who have been absolutely hurt by their churches, their families, and their communities. Some of the stories I heard around our table were heart breaking. One woman was a Children’s minister at her church. Her church had a council of leaders that represented the ministry groups. This council was not exclusively male, but they hadn’t had a woman on the council. Instead of asking her and risking the questions from the congregation, they invited her husband and told him he was only there because of his wife’s leadership in ministry. The husband was devastated because he was not adequate to be a leader on his own ability and giftedness and the wife was devastated because she was not chosen because she was a woman. They struggled in their marriage as a result.

4. I am so blessed. The industry I work in is made of many women. It is not groundbreaking for me to be promoted or another woman to lead the department or run the agency. My husband is so supportive and excited. He is awesome encourager and cheerleader. And, he is also very gifted as a leader and doesn’t feel threatened. It’s cool to be a part of team K!

5. To be a good parent is to be who God made you to be. I loved that. I have stressed a lot about being a stay-at-home mom vs. working vs. part time vs. full time vs. not having kids. Oh gosh, the anxiety is endless on this particular topic. Nearly all of the women on the panel were married and nearly all of them had children. It was comforting to hear them say that it is a greater injustice to raise children who witness you not living up to the call God put on your life vs. raising children who see their mommy and daddy doing what God made them to do. And some women are fabulous SAHM. And some women just cannot be a SAHM. That is something that we each need to discern and determine. Is it easy to do either? No.

6. Tribes. Women need to stick together. ’nuff said.

I think that’s all for now!

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in illinois…

Monday i start my new job in illinois. i’m both excited and nervous, which is pretty normal. i don’t really have the energy to go into much detail. i think i am a bit overwhelmed by all that is in front of us. frank has been flying a ton, which is funny since he’s about to be furloughed. curious.

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